Cory Schneider, Travis Lulay and the Sedins have been terrorizing the city of Vancouver with their ginger powers.
Hide your kids. Hide your wives.
A Red Alert has been declared in the city of Vancouver after Travis Lulay’s MVP performance in the Grey Cup yesterday. The carrot-topped quarterback also won the CFL’s Most Outstanding Player award last week, for his part in turning the BC Lions season around after an 0-5 start.
But this is only the latest in a string of impressive athletic accomplishments from some of Vancouver’s most fair-skinned athletes.
How bad is it? Henrik and Daniel Sedin of the Vancouver Canucks have won back-to-back NHL scoring titles. Henrik also won the Hart Memorial Trophy as the league’s most valuable player in his year, and Daniel was awarded the Ted Lindsay Trophy the next. They have proven to be two of the NHL’s most dynamic players year in and year out, all while sporting matching red chin-strap beards.
And it gets worse for the Canucks. Cory Schneider — often referred to as the “third Sedin” for their shared sensitivity to prolonged sunlight — has been one of the league’s hottest goalies as of late. He has posted four straight victories, allowing only 3 goals in that span and posting back-to-back shutouts. Roberto Luongo’s starting job is in jeopardy for the first time in his career because of the outstanding play of Schneider.
It’s no surprise that these athletes are thriving in Vancouver, which sports one of the world’s most ginger-friendly climates. The weather has been particularly wet and awful the past couple weeks, which could help explain the success these athletes have experienced in that time.
There’s no end in sight to this epidemic, and officials warn it could get even worse in the short-term, as Cory Schneider is scheduled to make his 6th straight start tomorrow night against the Columbus Blue Jackets.
In the meantime, officials recommend the public remain indoors as much as possible, and apply liberal amounts of sunscreen if they do need to go out.
